I really did not see it coming…

My spiritual journey has felt more like that old rickety amusement park roller coaster. Feeling every hairpin turn and the adrenaline rush as I teetered over the edge into several free fall drops. Every bend, twist, and turn felt deep in the pit of my stomach especially during the most trying moments of my life and then suddenly being able to embrace the euphoric love of God’s hand gently guiding me in a new direction when I had been on that ride too long.

That car came come off the track.
There have been plenty of failures along the way.
Whispers of doubt and insecurity.
Tears … Many, many tears.

Truth is I never thought I was good enough to be anything other than what I was and the baggage that I lugged from place to place was becoming a heavy burden. A spiritual and emotional black hole that I tried to fill with a variety of bad choices, dead end jobs, and self-sabotage.

I woke up one morning in my mid-thirties and registered for college courses. I needed to be set free.To follow a new direction without question. To do something to shake up my life. I received a call from God that day and have been riding the most spiritual, intimate, deeply transformative rollercoaster in the park.

This journey has taken me from university to senior caregiver. From midlife mother to seminary, to the pulpit to preach at two different churches on Sunday mornings. I have struggled with and overcome social anxiety, survived domestic violence, and if someone had told me that I would bespeaking in public in front a congregation I would have thought it was an April Fool’s joke.

The view from the pulpit is the most beautiful vision this side of the heavens. I have fallen in love with sharing God’s Word with the people that welcomed me with open arms into their church home not long after the pandemic. I love looking out and seeing the smiles and kindness wash over the people as they meet one another with the passing of the peace.

While some are called to preach, God found me hanging upside down from an ‘ole broken rollercoaster, but God never pushed or nagged. Instead, God awakened the desires of my heart to meet the needs of others and to allow those needs of others to shape my heart and ministry.

I declare from the deepest ocean to the highest mountain that the privilege of preaching the Gospel is truly a calling from God. There will no doubt be failure and moments where my message will fall short, but I love that God will meet me in those seasons of struggle and continue to pour into my heart and soul.

I really did not see it coming…

But I have always known God is the reason I am at the pulpit every Sunday. He is the reason I study into the early morning hours. He is the reason I am transformed by the love of His word.

God is the reason.
God is always the reason.

Published in the July 2023 issue of For the Messengers

Amber Fields is a student at Lexington Theological Seminary and is preparing for her upcomingcommissioning as a student minister. She serves two Disciples of Christ churches in Parkersburg, WestVirginia and Marietta, Ohio.